how much are you willing to give up?
A million versions of this post exist in my head; there's actually an earlier draft somewhere in my unpublished posts that I'll probably take and morph into something else later on. But right now, it's 3 a.m. and I'm sitting in front of my anatomy work, trying to convince myself I've got more to give. I probably do. I'm young, and the years are so very short.
I went back to my commonplace book to add a note I've been keeping in my stethoscope case, and got stopped in my tracks by another thing I wrote in there a lifetime ago: "How much are you willing to give up?"
My sleep schedule, apparently. Time spent with my family, who have been growing older with me largely absent for the past decade. Endless skipped meals. My ego, sacrificed a long time ago, from myself to myself.
It's really not healthy (except maybe the constant ego check), and somehow it's the only way I know to get on with my life. I hate embodying hustle culture. It seems like the absolute worst way to do things, and yet I still do it. I crash once I get home and wake up at an ungodly hour and do stuff anyway.
How much are you willing to give up? I think I'm willing to give up all the wrong things. There's probably more to unpack in there after this current round of exams.