makeup and other methods of self-love
I love makeup. The inspiration behind this post was yesterday morning, getting ready to go and take an exam: I was sitting at my desk doing my makeup, relishing the way the creams and colors melted into my skin. The exam-related stress melted away, too.
This isn't something most old friends and family would associate with me. Who's doing all this? The girl whose parents didn't want her wearing makeup until her 18th birthday? I barely even wore sunscreen or lotion in high school because it felt like a chore. But I love it now. I love makeup and skincare and all the effort that goes into it. It's funny to think about the fact that I have a routine now: moisturizer, sunscreen, then makeup if I'm feeling it.
Maybe this is an exercise in vanity. Youthful beauty is just that: youthful. My face will change. My hair will go white and my skin will turn paper-thin, and eventually, decades from now, no one will be able to tell that once upon a time, I'd loved all of these things.
Just because something will fade in the future, though, doesn't mean it doesn't matter now. I remember starting out—I would wipe off my makeup every night and feel weird without it. I couldn't step out of the house without at least eyeliner. It was something I didn't want to admit, but one of my friends finally called me out for it: I didn't like the way I looked without makeup.
I thought a lot about what she said, because she was right. Without meaning to, I'd been using makeup for the wrong reasons. So I started going out without eyeliner, without powder, without a single product on my face except moisturizer and sunscreen. Then I did one at a time, until I learned to like what I saw in the mirror again: a normal girl with normal human features. Skin texture. Dark circles. Less-than-perfect eyebrows. It's crazy how easy it is to start looking away from your own face. Not liking yourself—isn't that crazy? There's nothing to do except to unlearn it.
I still love doing more than everyday makeup—glossy lips, shimmery eyeshadow, winged eyeliner, everything. But I love where I'm at now. I love how I can put on anywhere from the bare minimum to a full face of makeup and love how I look. I love how I can take it all off at the end of the day and still love how I look. Just me.