something sleeping in the soul
Lately I've been feeling like some part of me is trapped in ice, or stuck at the bottom of a lake. Unreachable, like crossing into the part of my hometown where there's never any phone service. It makes me feel like I don't have all of myself at my disposal right now. (Do we ever?)
It's a late night at home, real home, though for me this isn't really late. I'm listening to classical music, something I haven't done in a while. Stepping into my bedroom always makes me a little strange, like all the Valentines of the past, present, and future are colliding and now I don't know how to act. Despite this room being one of the places where I'm most myself, I just feel like I'm not fully present, somehow. Like I have something sleeping in my soul. I don't really know when it's going to wake up.
I keep reaching for something and finding it's not exactly where I left it. Perhaps I should be concerned, but that part of me has fallen asleep, too. Maybe I just need to get some real sleep.
Robert Schumann, Vladimir Horowitz - Träumerei