studying in a cafe, listening to bookstore jazz
I have an odd relationship with studying. Not the concept of studying, but the act of studying itself. For some reason, I can't just sit somewhere with my laptop and take in information, even if it's all I've done for the past how many years. When I'm studying, I can't help but think about whether or not I'm doing it right, or if there even is a right way to do it. Then the minutes pass, and then the hours, and then it turns out I haven't even studied at all.
It's also hard to focus with all the things happening all around all the time—even at home. Sometimes I don't like my desk, or the lighting, or the sound. My father loves watching vlogs. He watches on the lowest possible volume he can hear, because he knows I'm studying, but I can still hear it through my earphones.
So today, I did my makeup and dressed up for no one but myself. I packed my laptop and went out to study, even though at this point in the semester the only things I have to go to campus for are exams, not classes. I ended up going to a cafe I frequent, partly for the milk tea and partly for the generous amount of sockets in their walls. My laptop is capable of many things, but its battery is not.
I wasn't expecting much from the day, but the atmosphere is nice here, and my favorite drink is still my favorite drink (sweet, cold, too expensive to be drinking regularly). I'm listening to a playlist called Bookstore Jazz, which is somehow exactly what I imagined bookstore jazz to be when I first saw the title. And as always, I haven't studied a bit. But I still have more than half the day left, and a day spent on a date with yourself, studying or not, is always a good day.
The only studying I've done so far is making an outline in my reviewer file. I've been doing fairly well in this class, but my exams are always preceded by a lot of stress and swearing and sentiments like I hate it and I'm never going to pass and I don't care about this class at all. Which all feel true in the moment, but the thing is I do care enough about this class and my major to keep trying, anyway. And I guess that's my cue to close this tab and go back to my notes.