studying life is hard
It's been a rough couple weeks. I guess I need to get my head in the game, Troy Bolton style, but what if my head is already in the game and I just can't keep up?
College is horrible. One class has been beating my ass this entire semesterādevelopmental biology. I've been trying to be optimistic and responsible and studious about it, but I just can't hack it, and I'm so scared of failing. The way the class is structured makes it so easy to fail. I won't go into particulars anymore, but it's just set up so that it's so much harder to hurdle than literally every other one of my classes. I've never been on such thin ice before, and I'm terrified of having that failing grade on my record, but it's just so hard.
My other classes are going okay. Not perfect, but still pretty good, I guess. I've spent enough time on this blog to finally be comfortable writing that I'm a biology major.
Biology is so, so draining, but I come back to it every time like an idiot. For the love of the game, except the game is literal life itself and nobody knows anything concrete once you dig deep enough, and now all my classes are dealing in stuff that's like, "we don't actually know what this does but we think it's probably this."
It's so much uncertainty. I went into this major intending to use it as a stepping stone to med school, but the thought of going to grad school and becoming a real biologist (a scientist!) has been on my mind for the longest time. There's just so much stuff we don't know, and I hate going into labs instead of out in the field, but I'd shut myself in a lab to make some discoveries, you know?
Anyway, can't get carried away thinking about making discoveries and whatnot if I still can't get past my developmental biology class. I'm trying my best, but I don't know if my best is good enough for this.