the sisyphean task of living
Saturday evening, curled up in my chair, anxiety a second heartbeat behind my real one. I've wanted to cry all week from the sheer number of tasks I have to do, but the tears just won't come out. And it's only the first Saturday of senior year.
I hate to bring this energy back to my blog (undiscoverable post again! Maybe I'll delete this soon), but I feel like my friends are tired of hearing about the problems that came from my own choices. Because I chose this, didn't I? This university; this major; these responsibilities. I chose to be a student leader and an aspiring med student and a college senior with a tenuous grasp on graduating with honors. I feel like I'm failing everyone, even though that's objectively untrue. I know enough by now to know that it's just my brain playing tricks on me, but unfortunately I'm still young enough to listen to it.
Living is so hard. All of it. Waking up, feeding myself properly, working without getting distracted, sleeping at healthy times. Dishes and laundry and sweeping and wiping. I'm 21 and still really bad at taking care of myself. I don't know how all the hours pass me by. They just slip right through my fingers, all of the time.