to fall short, and fall short again
I'm 21. That's too early to write myself off as a failure, so I won't, but I think I can have a little catastrophizing as a treat.
The semester is ending, junior year along with it, and I just feel like I can't do it anymore. I'm tired all the time. I get maybe three to five hours of sleep every night. I've probably taken 20 years off my life living like this, and fucked up the quality of the rest of the years I still have, and yet I can't find it in myself to care.
The next day is all that matters. I can feel the tunnel vision closing in, but it's not like I can do anything about it. I just have to get through the day, every day, no matter how much I take from myself doing it. I think I lost my grip on graduating with honors entirely. I don't know what the hell is going in my life. I'm so tired of not living up to my own expectations. I don't really know where this post is going. Oh, well.